Monday, March 22, 2010

A Dedication to My Daughter

My heart was empty and cold. Full of anger instead of love.
I walked away from the daughter that means the world to me.
Why you ask, because I let the ways of the flesh walk in.
I held within my arms a shell of a woman.
I saw the darkness in her eyes; knowing her light was slowly dying out.
Yet I did not let it strike the chord it should have.
No empathy did I feel; only confusion and frustration.
I thought to myself, "I did not raise you this way! What is wrong with you?"
Doing the very thing I watched a mother do to her daughter years ago;
yet oblivious to my own wrong doing.

I became my daughters judge; one who sentenced her without hearing her story.
I saw the emptiness and hurt in her children's eyes.
The protector of children broke loose in me once again.
For in my heart, children rely on us, and we must always be there for them.

But what was I missing? I wanted to tear them from her loving arms;
feeling she was not the mother they needed her to be.
Judging, ignoring anything that would set her from my cruel thoughts.
The children cried that they loved their mom and would not leave her.

I held her in my arms today, cried silently inside.
I step back and ask, "What am I doing? Lord, what has come of me?
My daughter needed me, yet I walked away! What have I done?
I hold before me, my daughter who is a shell of herself. So sick and in need of love,
understanding and comfort. Yet I walked away from her when she needed me most."

"Father you know my heart. You know I want to shine with your love light;
Yet I walked away from the very thing You teach and show. Not once have you ever
left my side, yet I walked away from one of Your children to struggle without her mom."

I am on bended knee, asking for forgiveness Father and daughter.
I never meant to walk away. I never meant to ignore all that you were crying out to me;
my beautiful, loving daughter. You tried to reach out and I pushed you away.
For that I am deeply sorry. I only saw the hurt of the children and not the hurt of my
very own daughter. I was angry with you for seemingly doing what I was actually doing.
I pray that you can forgive me for not being the woman I so long desire to be.

I see before me a daughter who is week, desperately in need of care, love and understanding.
I vow to you my daughter to always be there by your side. Listening instead of judging,
there to hold you when you need holding. There to catch you when you need catching.
There to listen, when you need listening to.
I now realize that the love you have for your children is strong.
I now realize that you have no longer the strength to carry on your daily needs.
I want to be that strength for you to lift you when you fall.

My daughter, my beautiful sweet daughter. My heart breaks today for the hurt I have caused our family. I did not set a good example. May this be a lesson none of us will ever forget. May the generational curses be broken and the love of the Lord prevail over all.

And so my daughter, I ask for forgiveness and leave you with this prayer:

Father God, I come to You today to thank you for the beautiful treasures you have bestowed upon our family. You gave me a wonderful Godly husband that is there for his children as You are always there for us. You gave us a wonderful son and daughter, both of whom we are very proud of. You have bestowed upon us beautiful grand children from both our son and daughter. For those gifts, I am eternally grateful.
Father I come with heavy heart for all the wrong I have done. I ask for forgiveness for the hurtful tongue and actions I have taken. I ask that the generational curses that have been brought upon our family be broken now, tossed and buried at the foot of the cross to never again be able to strike this family down.
Father, You have given us a beautiful daughter of whom I know deep down still believes in You and so very needs you. I lift her up to You Father and ask that You be her physician and heal her of all illnesses and renew her strength Lord. Not only physical strength but spiritual as well. Father, You have given us a beautiful gift from above, please do not take her from us. Heal her now I ask in Jesus Name. For you have said, "By Your stripes we are healed." You are the great and mighty and Only God! The Alpha and Omega, the One and Only. You are an awesome God Father; and we call upon You now for healing. I ask this in Jesus sweet and Holy Name, Amen!

Have faith my sweet daughter, be healed in His Holy Name! I love you unconditionally for all eternity. Be strong and know that we are here for you always, never to walk away again.

With Love now and forever,
Mom
His reponse opened doors.

9 comments:

The Real Me! said...

Wow my friend, I don't know details to this but it sounds very serious and you admit to doing a great wrong to your daughter.
I can see your repentant heart and I know the Lord does too.
I pray your daughter will see and understand the place that you are now in and that the Lord heals all relationships involved.

HUGS from me!

RCUBEs said...

Sister, it's not easy when sometimes, you are wrapped up in a tense moment and us, being humans, always respond in our own ways. But the Spirit in you obviously convicted you resorting for repentance and apology. That is the best thing!

And you did another one awesome thing: to pray for your daughter. For we wrestle not against humans...God bless you, comfort you and may He answer your prayer for your daughter. Praying for your daughter's protection and a u-turn for Christ.

Karen said...

((Tammy))

Praying....

Omah's Helping Hands said...

You all are the best! Thank you. This was not easy for me to do. I never realized what I was doing, but am so thankful it turned around. I love my daughter dearly and never want to lose her.
Thank you all for your precious prayers. She is very sick and needs our prayers.
May the Lord shine His blessings upon you all.

欣穎 said...

如果,人類也像鼠輩一般,花很多時間來吃飯和睡覺,一定會改善健康。 ....................................................

Mary K. said...

Ask her to see if her anxiety and internalized feelings are contributing to her illness.

Have her talk about her life and her relationships. If any of those are mentally unhealthy, then those could be contributing. The stomach is the second mind.

Nurse talking here.

Omah's Helping Hands said...

Thank you Mary K. I've tried that. She won't admit to anything and will not see anyone about her depression other than her women's health doc. She is on anti-depressants being treated for post partum depression, which I don't understand since her baby is almost 2 now. At a crossroad right now, but not giving up. I really appreciate your input! Thank you so much.
Can anyone translate the comment above Mary K.'s? I have gotten other comments from this person, but don't know how to read it. Thank you.

Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

Sandro said...

Grace and peace, always!

Stopped by to see your blog.
I'm going.
I would be very happy to see me.
If you want to follow me will also be a pleasure.

Regards in Christ,

Sandro (from Brazil)
http://oreinoemnos.blogspot.com/
I wait for you there.