Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Children of Abuse, Neglect...

This is a subject that has been weighing heavy on my mind for some time. I wanted to right about it before, but knew it wasn't the right time, now it is. I've been mulling this over all day with how to approach this subject. There really is no easy way, no easy words, just cold, hard facts. This will come across as harsh for some, but if so, perhaps it's telling you to sit back and really take a close look at your life. It will hit home for some, and I pray it does some good. If it changes the life of just one child, then it's done some good, but hopefully it will change the lives of many children; for children truly are a gift to all.

I ask myself, where did we go wrong with our children? Where did we fail them, and then I'm reminded that something has transpired between now and then. Some parents of today have turned their worlds upside down. Note; I had started to say all, but not all are this way, many have kept the values they were taught, and learned from their parents mistakes. But some...they are lost.

I've seen where children are living in filth, not being fed properly, being neglected, verbally and/or physically abused, being treated like an object and not a human being. I've seen kids given everything they want, apparently to make them feel wanted and loved. I've seen kids that are told, "Oh I love you so much, you mean everything to me," and then turn around and yell at them, turn away from them, and expect them to fend for themselves. Kids that are expected to show respect, but receive very little to none. The list goes on and one. Kids that are left to fend for themselves, feel neglected and rejected, but keep loving their parents, as they don't know any better. They try to cry out their fears and their hurts, only to be ignored, as their hurts and "real" needs aren't important.

What is wrong with this picture? What is wrong is parents are so wrapped up in themselves with they work, and are tired, don't feel good, etc. etc. They feel sorry for themselves and just don't have time to provide for and give their children what they need. "Clean my house! I don't have time!" "Spend time with my kids, work on their homework with them, play with them, I don't have the energy, I'm tired, I don't feel good, you just don't understand!" I've heard it all, and I'm tired of hearing it.

It seems that some today are expecting to have the world handed to them on a silver platter. I work, and just don't have the time. Let me tell you, we have been there done that. We worked, and many of us hard jobs with less pay that what you all get today, and we still managed to do things with our kids, we still provided for them, we still gave them a "safe and clean" environment even though we were tired, hurting, and not feeling good. Wake up! Quit feeling sorry for yourselves! You have children; you chose to have them, they didn't chose you; they didn't chose to be brought into the world.

Take the responsibility that was given you. Appreciate the fact that you have these gifts that were given you to be nurtured, loved, guided and taught by you. If you can't live up to "your" responsibilities, you don't want to provide what the children need, then I ask you, please give them to someone that will give them what they need.

Now don't get me wrong, there is no "perfect" parent, and there never will be. That is impossible. I made mistakes as a parent, and wish I had done some things differently, but; I did give my kids "love," I did show them the respect I expected from them. I did teach and nurture them. I know some of my family feels I spoiled my kids; what they didn't see is that they were expected to earn their things, when they were old enough to work, the things they "wanted" they had to work for, the things they needed, we provided. We didn't give them what ever they wanted. They grew up learning to respect things, and that money did not grow on trees.

I'm so tired of hearing from some, "You made the same mistakes!" Excuse me, we were to learn from our parents mistakes and made sure we didn't repeat them with you. You were to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. It's not a reason to make excuses. Ask yourselves; did your parents love on you? Did you parents help you learn and provide the materials for you to learn? Did your parents make sure you were taken care of and provided for, made sure you were properly clothed, kept safe, fed, and given a clean environment? Are you doing the same for your kids? If not, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate your family life. If you can't make it work, ask for help or get your children out of there and put them where they will receive it. Your children aren't toys or objects, they are precious gifts who rely on you for guidance, safety, love, and provision. Not to be treated as inanimate objects to be brought out when you "feel like" taking time for them and then putting them aside when you don't want to deal with them.

As for provision, are you providing your children their needs first, then yours and then for the wants? Or are you giving, giving, giving, wants to you all and then the needs, necessities if there is enough to do so? Your children should be provided for their "needs" first, then yours met, then if there is enough the wants, provided you are putting some of that away for those times when emergencies arise.

Further more, your parents aren't your endless bank account. They aren't there to pick up after you, taking care of your needs so you can have your fun and take care of your wants. Your parents aren't there to be treated with disrespect, to be taken advantage of, to be treated like they are just there to do what "you" want them to do. Show them respect, show them you love them. When was the last time you took the time to really show your parents you love them? And I'm not just talking words; I'm talking genuine, quality time spent with them. Words are just that. Actions speak volumes, words can just roll off.

Get rid of that attitude, my parents can get this for me, they can do that for me, oh why should I worry about this or that, mom & dad can take care of it. Well this or that is broken, mom and dad can get it for us. Don't be surprised if some day your parents don't wake up to it and stop that endless bank account. Not because they don't love you, but because they do, and it's time to do the tough love. Parents love doing things for their kids, but like you, have feelings too, and can only put up with being taken for granted for so long. Don't expect them to do the raising of your children and providing the children the nurturing they need. It doesn't work that way. They need it from you too, more so than from grandma and grandpa, uncle and auntie, etc. They need it more from their parents than any one else.

If your children are acting out, throwing tantrums, talking back, being mean to their siblings, shutting themselves out from the family, abnormally quite, anxious, etc. then step back, seriously analyze your family life with an open, honest mind and ask yourself if you are doing everything you can to provide your child/children fully what they need. Don't endow them with gifts, things they want thinking that will fill the void, you are only hurting them. Your far from helping them. If you have the mindset, "well I'll give them what ever they want and when they grow up and move out, that's when they will learn that life isn't so easy." What is that??? That is setting your children up for failure. Is that really what you want for your children? Were you treated that way? If so, then change it with your children as you know what it feels like. You know it doesn't work. If you are struggling financially because of previous mistakes, take action and do something about it. Get help.

What this article all boils down to is a request for parents of today to wake up; give your children what they need and deserve. It's not just about you, your needs, your wants, it's about your family, as a unit. Those kids rely on you, they can't fend for themselves. Quit expecting them to be little adults. Quit thinking that just because you give them something it shows them you love them. If your child is depressed, sick, unruly, angry, etc, they are telling you something. Don't ignore it. If this article has struck a nerve with you, then it's probably because the truth hurts and perhaps it's time for you to sit back and be honest with yourself.

This article is written in defense of those young ones out there needing a better home life, needing their parents to grow up and be a parent. A voice for children to their parents to please love them the way they deserve to be loved, to provide for them the things they "need" not with objects to try to fill the void, for them to live in clean environments, not in disease ridden homes. If you can't provide for your children a clean safe environment, then seek help immediately! May we provide for our children giving them the love and happiness they so deserve. They are a precious gift to be cared for. Praying for families to unite as one, once again.

LOVE, PROVIDE, KEEP SAFE all the children of the world. For those of you out there that witness this sort of wrong doing going on with children, please act on it. Please make sure these kids are given what they deserve. My husband & I are going to start taking action from now on when we see children being mistreated. They don't deserve that. They deserve to be loved, nurtured, taught and guided. Let's show the children of the world, They Do Matter!


Karen said...

Very good, Tammy....

Jason said...

You have a great blog here. I have a blog myself which I hope will provide inspiration and guidance to people all around the world. Life is hard enough. I'd like us to exchange links to help spread some traffic around, and let other people know about our sites.

Please let me know if this is possible.


Omah's Helping Hands said...

Thank you Karen

Jason, sounds great. I will visit now. I'm open to spreading inspiration. Thank you Jason. Mine is heisking.blogspot.com