For about a month now, I've been up and down with emotions; doing battle with the enemy. I was trying hard to figure it all out. Asking the Lord to shed some light as to which way to go, what to think, what to do. I'll start this with one week at a time.
The first week was the beginning of the fight. I'm a grandmother that loves her grandchildren more than I could ever explain. They bring so much joy to life. So when I see things going on that can be harmful to them, that teaches them the wrong path in life, I let it fester until I have a hard time dealing with it all. I want so bad to shake my kids and say, what are you thinking? Why are you letting this happen? Don't you care?
Then I hear a small voice say, remember, I'm in control, or a message will come my way to remind me. I keep reading message after message about not worrying. I've even written some that I've read as a reminder. But the worry continues on. So there's a struggle in itself.
As time goes on, I read about many others struggling. It bothers me that so many are, but for some reason, I have a strong faith that all will be well with them, and find the strength to be supportive. So then I think why can't I do that with my own family. I have a dear friend that is really struggling, and have been worried about here. Here again is the worry. I keep repeating over and over again, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. I can even hear Charles Stanley saying those very words over and over, as he had done a podcast on that very subject.
My little sister is getting worse. She's having a lot of numbness, shooting pain, can't sit at all. When she has to it's excruciating pain. The pain pills don't help much. Out of a job, a husband who is burnt out on taking care of the little ones, kids that don't want to help. Auuggghhh. I can't do anything to help. I feel trapped. I have to be here for the kids, but I'm needed there too. Lord, why is this happening? I want to scream, cry, whatever. Then I recount all the blessings that have been bestowed upon many and tell myself, this is a storm that will pass too.
Things look like they are going to look up and wham, another storm! What is going on? I've been getting sick often. Can't seem to get over this upper respiratory garbage, kids (that is grand kids) are struggling, sister is worse, dad is having more problems. And then we get the news our friend battling cancer; they find out that it's in his brain, lungs, and bones. Well right then one say, "He'll never make it." But...God is so good, he's healing him! So Glory to God, there is beauty and light and we must hang onto that. Spirits are lifted, worry is disappearing, this is a testimony that storms do past, and we get through them.
But then more bad news about my sister. It seems she just isn't going to be cut a break. It's one thing after another for her. I become very frustrated as why is this happening to such a sweet person that would give her life for another. She would do anything for anyone. Why Lord? Then I'm reminded that we should never ask why. He has the plans all laid out. I remind myself that Satan has been sending his dark angels to attack left and right. What am I doing? I can't let him win! No way! Then I see the grand kids picking themselves back up, and wham, they are down again. Ughhh, when is it going to stop!
Tonight, sitting and watching the Gaithers and their Heaven episode. I'm touched with such warmth of thinking of that glorious day when we go home. Then these two precious little girls come on and the oldest says, she thinks about how she wants to go home a lot. Instantly I think of all the little children that suffer, I think of my grand kids and a load is lifted off my shoulders as He whispers, "They may be suffering now, but remember, someday they will suffer no more!" Oh what a beautiful thought that was. Then it dawned on me, someday my sisters struggles will be no more. She too will go home and be pain free, stress free, with a smile that warms the heart. Someday we too will be there. The spell breaks, I'm free! Tears of joy stream down my face as I think about all the glory He brings, and worry shall be no more.
Thank you dear sweet Jesus for rescuing me from that constant plunging into the depths of nowhere where worry dwells.
Matthew 6:25-24 NKJV
"25 Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat
or what you will drink; not about your body, what you will put on. Is not life
more than food and the body more than clothing?
26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather
into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than
27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field,
how they grow; they neither toil nor spin;
29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed
like one of these.
30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and
tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of
31 Therefore do now worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we
drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. for your heavenly Father
knows that you need all these things.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these
things shall be added to you.
34 Therefore do now worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about
it's own things. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble."
You see, my downfall was that I was not always holding onto faith. I wasn't always seeking the kingdom of God. I was relying on myself. Many a time when the worry got so intense I would be nudged and reminded, "You can't do it alone." So I give myself fully and completely to Him. Thank you Father for rescuing me once again when I did not follow. Thank you for knowing my heart. Forgive me Father for not keeping the full faith of you, for walking alone. By your perfecting timing, by your plans, we shall wait upon the Lord. So off to read through Psalms, Proverbs, and Isaiah once again to be reminded of all I need to do. His word is mighty, and gives us strength.
May the roller coaster rides of everyone else cease right now. May the strength of the Lord walk with you and guide you. How many times have I written, "Face forward, keeping your eyes on Jesus?" Hmmmm, makes you think. It's easy to know, it's easy to write, but to follow isn't always easy. May the enemy be tromped and stomped back down, the armor of God put to work to block those poison arrows of deception. May we all be clothed with the gift of discernment. Stay in the light and out of the darkness. The Lord is our Savior! Be blessed each and everyone of you.
NOTE: I will be away again for a few days. I'm going to go help out my sister. Please keep Sarah in your prayers. Thank you, and God Bless!