Father God, thank You for leading me back to here. Thank You for Your clear warning that I need to get back on track, to get in line with You. Thank You for the leaders and teachers You place in my life. Thank You for Your perfect timing. Without You, I am nothing. I'm so thankful that You have not given up on me. Thank You for rescuing me from being a wanderer. Thank You for never giving up on me and bringing me back. I'm so thankful You heard my pleas, saw the tears running down my face, and You answered. I'm thankful for waking me at 3 am to tell me the message I was pleaing for. Being awakened at the hour to hear Your voice, to feel Your nudge, to receive that all important message, was well worth it. Thank You Father. I love You so and send all the praises up to You oh Lord, for the kingdom, the power, and the glory are Yours now and forever, Amen!
You see, I've felt something has been missing in me for sometime now. I pray, I read, not daily, sadly up until recently. I'm in constant conversation with Him, but that's not enough. One has to be in the word daily. Why is it we are told time and time again the importance of reading his word. I hear it often, but in my head I hear, well you are listening to podcasts, that has scripture in them, you listen to radio stations that are strictly for worshipping Him, so what are you worried about? You're getting the word daily by doing what you are doing. Well that is pure and simple deception. Once again, as I've wrote about so many times, this is where discernment comes in.
I spend too much time worrying. Where does that get one? No where, but misery. That's what Satan wants too. Last night was the breaking point when one of my grand daughters called crying that she wanted to come spend the night with us. Turning her down just tore me up because I knew no one wanted to spend time with her. I too was letting this precious girl down. It just ate and ate at me. I prayed, asked for intervention, prayed for miracle for the situations to turn around there in that household. I cried and cried, emotions had gotten ahold of me. Anger, desperation, frustration, you name it, they were all running through me.
Finally I sat and through sobs, plead for mercy on our grand kids in that household. Plead for His word to touch my ears, for leadership, for guidance, for intervention, for Him to tell me what He wanted me to do. I realized then that I can't do this alone--which I already knew, but pushed away--and asked to be relieved of the burden I kept carrying that I no longer could handle carrying any longer. Sitting there weeping, feeling like I was about to get sick, I poured my heart out to Him. I asked that I be shown what it was He was trying to tell me. Then it hit me that He was answering a previous prayer. He was teaching me to be silent, to pray, to keep my tongue in control, to pull the log out of my own eye, to leave it all in His hands and to TRUST Him to take care of it.
Despite the revelation, and knowing that I had to do this, I went to bed with a heavy heart, naseous, in pain, and all. I knew He was working on me. After all, we are all a work in progress. I repented for the wrong doing I had done earlier that day, and finally fell asleep. As mentioned above, He awakened me at 3 am. I thought what in the world, why am I awake now, I went to bed late as it was. Got up,went to the bathroom, and realized that He was trying to get my attention. Went to make coffee, which is when I realized what time it was, and thought, no, I need some sleep, went back to bed and stayed restless unable to sleep.
On nights when I'm upset and hurting, I sleep on the couch and usually have my lap top there as well. He proded me to get on my computer. At first I was like, "Lord it's early, I spend too much time on there as it is, please let me sleep." But that wasn't going to happen. So I get on and go to my religion section bookmarks--I know I need to lable it something else--and started going through the list. Clicked on a few things I thought may be what He was wanting me to read, but knew instantly it was not. The list is long. I kept going, finally in the S's I come across In Touch and click on it, as I got that burst in the stomach sensation that John Bevere speaks of, and knew then this is where He was leading me to.
Guess what the title was: "Walking Away From God." Oh my gosh!!! That is exactly what I've been doing, but didn't realize it. I felt full and excited at church, would worship Him often, pray daily, was back in the Word, but it wasn't enough. I thought I was completely full after listening to John Bevere's message, but was still less than half full. I was laden with a burden that I would not hand over to Him.
Luke 15:11-16 which is what Dr. Stanley's message, Walking Away From God is based on.
The Prodigal Son
11 And He said, "man had two sons
12 The younger of them said to his father, "Father, give me the share of the estate that falls to me." So he divided his wealth between them.
13 And not many days later, the younger son gathered everything together and went on a journey, into a distant country, and there he squandered his estate with loose living.
14 Now when he had spent everything, a severe famine occured in that country, and he began to be impoverished.
15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him into the fields to feed swine.
16 And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the pods that the swine were eating, and no one was giving anything to him. (NASB)
I believe you now know exactly what I'm talking about here. I had been a prodigal, just as my son, daughter, and one of my sisters has been.
Therefore, I am so, so thankful for the Lord our God who never leaves us. So thankful that he leaves a flock of 99 to go look for and perhaps tend t the lost. Thank You, thank You, Thank You Father for never giving up in me for You know my heart desires you, to be complete in You, to be aligned with You. I just needed that extra jab, as You also know how stubborn I can be. Thank You for never giving up. I love You so Daddy! Amen!!!